Communication Breakdown

Relationships Between Teens and their Parents 

“I can’t relate to my parents, they don’t know what I’m going through.”  I muttered those words every day for what seemed like my entire childhood.  Even if they had good advice, I’d be too stubborn to listen.  The problem with most teenager and parent relationships is the failure to communicate.  This includes not knowing how to listen and talk effectively.  It is difficult being a teenager and no one will deny that, but when a parent has some useful advice for their teen, they don’t know how to communicate it to them.

 I hate it when my parents try to enforce their beliefs and their values on me.  My father frequently preaches to me about Christianity no matter how obvious I make it that I’m not interested in listening.  The problem is on both sides; my dad doesn’t know how to talk to people.  His idea of a conversation is him talking while the other person nods.  I suppose I’m no better either, sometimes I will stop listening even before he starts talking.  The conflict between me and my parents had gotten almost unbearable, so over the last little while I have tried to make the relationship with me and parents better through three main steps.   

Step 1: Stop

When I find myself arguing with my mom or dad, I try to stop. That's right. I just try to hush up for a minute, because chances are good that I'm being defensive or confrontational.  If I can manage to stop myself from talking, I usually find that I can calm down quickly.  But if I can quit arguing for a minute, it seems that my perspective changes and I start to realize that I'm being a bit childish. Emotionally I may still be upset, but logically I understand that yelling and fighting definitely doesn't make things better.

Step 2: Look

Once I've stopped arguing, I look my parents in the eye. You'd be amazed at how much easier it is to communicate with your parents when you're actually looking at them. Looking away doesn't do much of anything except give them the impression that I'm not listening or that I don't care.  Also, when I'm looking away it's easy to start thinking about what I'm going to say next, instead of concentrating on what my parents are saying to me.

Step 3: Listen

Finally, I listen to what they're saying (or at least I try). Communication can't happen unless both sides hear and listen to each other. There is nothing wrong with my hearing, but that doesn't mean I always listen to the sounds that people are making. When I argue with my parents, I can physically hear what they're saying without mentally listening to it.  Whether I want to admit it or not, my mom and dad have been on this earth a lot longer than I have and their experience can actually help them give some pretty sound advice at times. But if that advice falls on proverbial deaf ears, it's not going to make much of a difference.  That's why I try to stop, look, and listen instead of arguing with my parents. I don't always agree with them, even after I've heard them out, but I think it's safe to say that it truly has helped our relationship over the long run.